There was a time not all that long ago when I was homeless. I shared a great apartment in northern Manhattan with someone I was not really close too. I was freelancing and not saving any money so each month I would end up broke. Suddenly he came to me and said that his boyfriend was wanting to move in so I would need to move. Everything happened very quickly and I put all of my furniture in storage and hit the streets of the city looking for someone who would let me move in with them. I bounced from sofa to sofa always feeling like I was in the way until Thanksgiving night of 2006. That night, in the pouring rain, feeling feverish and sick, I was asked to leave a warm apartment in Chelsea and ended up on a friend's floor in Washington Heights.
In the middle of the night, I awoke to my friends big Jamaican boyfriend searching my suitcase. My friend had stepped out for a while.I asked what he was doing and he asked if I had any "crystal meth" in my bag. I told him I didnt and he began to scream at me about how I was a freeloader and when I got up to leave it infuriated him to the point that he followed me down the stairs screaming that he "hoped I died of AIDS in the street". The next thing I knew (I still dont remember how I got there), I was climbing the fence on the edge of the Brooklyn Bridge. I felt like my life since September of 2001 had been torture and I saw no end in sight. Then out of the blue, a woman passing stopped and said very calmly, "That water is colder than you think...If you jump, it's forever and ever. You can't change your mind. You will never see the sun again.....or taste chocolate ice cream....there are so many beautiful things in life....dont throw them away." I pulled myself down off the fence. The woman took my hand and walked me in the pouring rain to the Manhattan side of the bridge. She hailed a taxi, stuck a $20 bill in my hand and told the cabbie, "Take him to St. Vincents emergency room." Then she looked at me and put her hand on my wet forehead. "You are burning up with fever," she said, "but they will take care of you." Before she closed the door, she said, "My name is Eleanor Chaikin. I live in Brooklyn Heights on Henry Street. If you need anything, look me up." She closed the door and as we were pulling away, I saw here walking back toward the bridge in the rain. I ended up spending three weeks in the psych ward at St. Vincents after admitting to being suicidal.
God Bless you Eleanor Chaikin. Whoever you are and wherever you are, you saved my life that night.
Since this experience, and after getting through that period of my life, I have felt a need to help others in the same situation so they would not have to go through what I did. This leeds me to the point of this entry. I met someone who had just moved here in December and he seemed to be a nice guy. He is straight, Puerto Rican and moved here from Miami. I told him if he ever got in a pinch and had nowhere else to go, to call me and he could crash at my place. One night he called and I opened my door to him. That was 5 months ago and with the exception of a recent 4 week trip back to Miami, he has been on my sofa since. I was understanding and did not ask for any money from him even though I have no money myself. He was here while I endured Chemo and radiation therapies for cancer. I was unable to work yet he ran up my Con Ed bill because it has to be cold so he does not melt. Then he started doing steroid shots. The real problems start here and it came to a head last night when I tried to talk to him about the defensive attitude he cops inappropriately. The incident climaxed with him trying to take my phone away, punching me in the face and putting me in a headlock almost tearing my ear off with his Mr T bracelet. My glasses were broken and I was bleeding out of my ear. Refusing to give me back my phone, he sat with a smug look on his face and told me, "try to get me to leave". I left the apartment to get the police only but began to think that I did not want to have him arrested or fuck up his new job, so I came back up and allowed him to stay. AM I THE BIGGEST FUCKING IDIOT ON THE PLANET???
24 hours have passed. I have learned my lesson not to have compassion for people. And, I will never open my door to another person. I have saved him at least $3000, and what do I get for it? Assaulted and threatened in my own home.
QUESTION FOR THE MASSES: What is the best way for me to get this freeloading son of a bitch out of my apartment?
Monday, September 26, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
The Police...
We all heard the "controversy" surrounding the behavior of a handful of NYPD officers who, upon invitation, started "dirty dancing" with some of the barely dressed parade dancers. For those of you who have not been hit with this report and who are familiar with the West Indies Pride Day Parade in Brooklyn, here it is in brief form.
The West Indies Pride Day Parade is an annual end of summer event which takes place on a Sunday afternoon on Eastern Parkway in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. The parade is a celebration many cultures and the diversity of the core community of this Brooklyn neighborhood. A main and understandably popular feature in the parade are the women of all ages dressed in colorful and provocative costumes represent the island of their origin. To keep the peace and control the crowd, NYPD officers are stationed along the route. During this years parade, some of the dancers approached and "flirted" with a group of officers. A few of these officers, caught up in the spirit of the festival, started playfully bumping and grinding (without touching them) with a few of the women to the delight of the crowd. The woman passed, the officers returned to their posts and the parade continued. A few days later, the "scandal" was all over the Daily news and Post with Police Commissioner, Raymond Kelly being asked to weigh in on the "issue". Two weeks have passed and we are still hearing about this incident. Why?
The way I see it, these officers were doing some positive PR work for an embattled organization which has very little respect or support from this community. Sure, they were there to protect the public. But, they cannot protect a public that does not trust them. That short interaction, although a bit lude, was totally harmless and broke down a wall in the minds of many young festival revelers. Those officers, for a moment, identified with and celebrated a community which sees them as the enemy. I live in this neighborhood and I see the fear and distain the citizens have for the police. It was the irresponsibility of the person who pushed this item to the front page that took a positive and made it a negative. Especially the younger people in the neighborhood, who may have laughed and seen the officers as humans rather than monsters, were suddenly told that it was "wrong" and "dirty". The police were the bad guy again. Also, the controversy sends the message that the NYPD and the community are not equal and are forbidden to interact even in the spirit of community and pride. Is this the message that the NYPD want to send? In reading the responses of Ray Kelly, he seems to try to defuse the situation and try to make it go away. This tells me that he is not the one making an issue of the event. Whoever it is, they are misguided and seems to want to feed the flames of hatred toward the NYPD.
Believe me, I have my own beef with the NYPD, but I still believe that they are not all bad and it is about 1 in 10 who should not be on the force. In a city as large as NYC with it's 5 boroughs, this is a pretty large number, but if we see all of them as adversaries, what are we going to do when we actually need protection. I know if it were not for a member of the NYPD, I would be only a name etched in the granite down at Ground Zero. On the flip side, if it were not for the sloppy, lazy work of two NYPD detectives, I would not have spent four months of my life on Riker's Island...More news at 10.
The West Indies Pride Day Parade is an annual end of summer event which takes place on a Sunday afternoon on Eastern Parkway in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. The parade is a celebration many cultures and the diversity of the core community of this Brooklyn neighborhood. A main and understandably popular feature in the parade are the women of all ages dressed in colorful and provocative costumes represent the island of their origin. To keep the peace and control the crowd, NYPD officers are stationed along the route. During this years parade, some of the dancers approached and "flirted" with a group of officers. A few of these officers, caught up in the spirit of the festival, started playfully bumping and grinding (without touching them) with a few of the women to the delight of the crowd. The woman passed, the officers returned to their posts and the parade continued. A few days later, the "scandal" was all over the Daily news and Post with Police Commissioner, Raymond Kelly being asked to weigh in on the "issue". Two weeks have passed and we are still hearing about this incident. Why?
The way I see it, these officers were doing some positive PR work for an embattled organization which has very little respect or support from this community. Sure, they were there to protect the public. But, they cannot protect a public that does not trust them. That short interaction, although a bit lude, was totally harmless and broke down a wall in the minds of many young festival revelers. Those officers, for a moment, identified with and celebrated a community which sees them as the enemy. I live in this neighborhood and I see the fear and distain the citizens have for the police. It was the irresponsibility of the person who pushed this item to the front page that took a positive and made it a negative. Especially the younger people in the neighborhood, who may have laughed and seen the officers as humans rather than monsters, were suddenly told that it was "wrong" and "dirty". The police were the bad guy again. Also, the controversy sends the message that the NYPD and the community are not equal and are forbidden to interact even in the spirit of community and pride. Is this the message that the NYPD want to send? In reading the responses of Ray Kelly, he seems to try to defuse the situation and try to make it go away. This tells me that he is not the one making an issue of the event. Whoever it is, they are misguided and seems to want to feed the flames of hatred toward the NYPD.
Believe me, I have my own beef with the NYPD, but I still believe that they are not all bad and it is about 1 in 10 who should not be on the force. In a city as large as NYC with it's 5 boroughs, this is a pretty large number, but if we see all of them as adversaries, what are we going to do when we actually need protection. I know if it were not for a member of the NYPD, I would be only a name etched in the granite down at Ground Zero. On the flip side, if it were not for the sloppy, lazy work of two NYPD detectives, I would not have spent four months of my life on Riker's Island...More news at 10.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Another Saturday night and I ain't got......
....you know the song....Oh whoa is me...If he just got paid, he could pay for the company of someone to talk to. In my case, I am lonely, broke, depressed, bored and asking "where is my life". I guess this is as good a place as any to start a blog so.....here it goes.
There is nothing really remarkable about me. I'm 44 years old, have an average look, in shape but not a body nazi, short mousy brown hair that has just grown back in after chemo and radiation therapy. I am of slightly above average intelligence. I have an MFA in directing which, in my experience, speaks to nothing but my determination and ability to play the "game". I had what I consider to be an average midwestern, WASP, American childhood complete with domestic conflict, emotional abuse and the parentally infused fear that we would be social outcasts if people actually knew that we were not the Brady Bunch. There was a reason that I was confused by "Father Knows Best" but had a full understanding familiarity with "Ordinary People" at age 11. Growing up gay and not knowing it isn't easy anywhere and Papillion, Nebraska was no different.
Look, everything we go through in our lives makes us who we are. It is impossible to fully understand a person's emotions or behavior within being in their shoes from the first step. Far be it from me to judge anyone or their actions. Anything I write in this blog is meant for no purpose but to express my opinions and share my experiences as I have seen them. They are not meant to offend (though they may) or chastise. If they do, I apologize now. So anyway, don't I seem like a good guy? SO WHY AM I ALONE IN A CITY OF 8,000,000 PEOPLE ON A SATURDAY NIGHT!!!!??
There is nothing really remarkable about me. I'm 44 years old, have an average look, in shape but not a body nazi, short mousy brown hair that has just grown back in after chemo and radiation therapy. I am of slightly above average intelligence. I have an MFA in directing which, in my experience, speaks to nothing but my determination and ability to play the "game". I had what I consider to be an average midwestern, WASP, American childhood complete with domestic conflict, emotional abuse and the parentally infused fear that we would be social outcasts if people actually knew that we were not the Brady Bunch. There was a reason that I was confused by "Father Knows Best" but had a full understanding familiarity with "Ordinary People" at age 11. Growing up gay and not knowing it isn't easy anywhere and Papillion, Nebraska was no different.
Look, everything we go through in our lives makes us who we are. It is impossible to fully understand a person's emotions or behavior within being in their shoes from the first step. Far be it from me to judge anyone or their actions. Anything I write in this blog is meant for no purpose but to express my opinions and share my experiences as I have seen them. They are not meant to offend (though they may) or chastise. If they do, I apologize now. So anyway, don't I seem like a good guy? SO WHY AM I ALONE IN A CITY OF 8,000,000 PEOPLE ON A SATURDAY NIGHT!!!!??
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)