Negative Messages/Lasting Impressions

In every life, there are milestones or events that leave an impression that dictate and steer your behavior or many years.  What may seem insignificant to most, may effect others adversely their whole lives.  

One incident which left a very lasting impression happened when I was about 9 years old.  My mother and father took me to dinner with a couple of their friends and their 2 children.  The waiter approached our table, greeted us and said his name was "Charles".  Charles spoke with a speech impediment in a somewhat effeminate tone.  As he spoke, his hands punctuated his words in a very dramatic manner.  Other than these traits, Charles was a very good and attentive waiter.  He took our order and headed to the kitchen.  It was not 15 seconds later that the parents started in with the "Charles impersonations".  Each performance was more hateful than the one before it.  All of them alluding to the assumption that our waiter was gay.  Even at that young age, I sat in my chair confused by the fact that I had not witnessed the horrible thing Charles had evidently done to deserve this type of reaction.  When it came my turn to bash our waiter, I could feel all eyes fixed on me.  But, I just sat looking around the restaurant as if I had seen or heard nothing of the event that had just taken place.  My mother chimed in with something like, "Next time we'll just leave you at home if you're gonna be such a sour puss."  After that, everytime Charles approached the table, it was in a subdued manner with a somewhat deeper voice.  He had obviously witnessed what had gone on at our table.  He didnt smile as much, he was not as friendly, he was not himself.  Hio su pirit was broken and he retreated back into his closet.  I felt ashamed to be sitting at the table.

It is possible that Charles was over this incident the moment we walked out the door and never thought about it again.  However, it made a lasting impression on my 9 year old mind.  My parents behavior told me that if you are like Charles (at this point I did not have a reference to the word "Gay"), you are the target of humiliation and the butt of every joke.   If you are like Charles, you are forced to endure hateful comments and snickers with a smile on your face.  By being like Charles, you have brought these punishments on yourself.  You are a buffoon and punching bag.